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The chasm was closed due to snow, so we went guerrilla sledding. We drove around until we found the biggest hill we could. Not that easy in the rolling hills of mid-Mass. We found a power line trail and bushwhacked it to the top. I have this very unrealistic and impractical vision of how I wish the world could work, how I wish I could raise Clover. I want her to be Hanna. I want to be Hanna’s dad. I want their relationship. I want to train her to be brave, confident, self sufficient. I want her to be able to hunt her own food, to fight, to be smart. Sometimes when we are out there I think about Hanna. This little girl and her relationship to the landscape, to nature, to instinct. It seems perfect. We hiked to the top of the highest mountain, to track animals, to look for signs of intruders, to stay sharp. Really it was just to go sledding, but let me dream. I let Clover lead the way, far in front of me. She is getting braver. At the top we could see for miles and it was dead silent. The snow dampens all sound. We screamed as loud as we could, we were warriors, we were free. There was a red tail hawk hovering over the tower. She spotted it. We watched it hunt from way above. It was cold. The first time we were cold this year. Hanna would use the cold to her advantage, we just wanted mint hot chocolate from Dunkin.
